What is Bereavement counselling?
After the loss of someone close to us we can experience profound emotions and feelings that accompany grief and loss. Perhaps it feels like you no longer recognise yourself and the world as you knew it, looks and feels completely different.
Imagine a bottle that is filled to the brim with your grief. Now add the daily struggles to it; work stress, family life, daily tasks and responsibilities. The bottle would be overflowing which is why the once manageable tasks now feel almost impossible to cope with.
Grief is complex and more often than not, we are not just dealing with the grief. It can affect our sleep, our health and we can even develop physiological symptoms. It can feel all-consuming, and as if you will never stop feeling like this. But you will find your way through it, it just takes time.
Bereavement counselling helps you work through the stages of your grief and helps you to come to terms with not just the death of someone, but also the events leading up to and after the loss. Clients have told me that it is not until much later after the bereavement that they have felt able to even begin to process their grief.
My aim is to offer you a safe space where you can speak freely about the thoughts and feelings that have come to the surface. The ones that hurt, and the ones that may feel confusing or that may be worrying you. All in your own time and at your own pace.
Symptoms of grief
It is important to remember that we are all unique and individual human beings and we all grieve and mourn differently. Grief can be complex and can have a profound impact on our bodies and our minds.
There are many symptoms of grief and loss. Here are just some of the symptoms you could be experiencing:
Intense sadness
Denial
Depression
Anger
Anxiety
Insomnia
Lack of concentration
Little or no motivation
Muscle weakness
Forgetfulness
Shock
Flashbacks
Guilt
Shame
Loneliness
Questioning your own mortality
Numbness
Fatigue
Chest tightness
Gastrointestinal upset
Counselling for Grief and Loss
I think it is important to acknowledge that grief can also be felt when we lose something significant to us like the ending of a friendship, a relationship or even a part of who you once were or could have been. It is an ending, and a loss and it can have a huge impact on our lives. Counselling can help you come to terms with your 'living loss' and help you gain clarity as you adjust and process.
Because the grieving process is different for everyone, it can feel like we are completely alone. You might feel like you can't talk about how you are thinking and feeling because you do not want to add to the distress of others around you or make them feel uncomfortable for talking about it. Counselling gives you the space to talk freely about how you are feeling without the worry that you are being judged or that you could cause distress.
Something that really resonated with me during my training was the 'Growing around Grief' model that Dr Lois Tonkin theorised. She proposed that your grief and the amount of space it occupies within you does not shrink and disappear over time in fact, it stays the same size. Instead life gradually begins to grow around your grief and feels more manageable as time goes on, like a cushion. It will always be a part of us and when we connect with it, it can feel just as intense but as life grows around it, we begin to find ways of adjusting and reorganising over time; not moving on, but moving forward.
What are the stages of grief?
'The Five stages of grief' now known as the ‘seven stages’, was a concept introduced by Elisabeth Kubler-ross, and it was a way to identify and make meaning of our loss.
The seven stages are:
Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Testing, Acceptance.
There is a common misconception that you move through the stages of grief in a chronological order.
However, this is not the case.
We are all individuals and grieving can look and feel different for everyone.
You could experience them all at once, or none of them might apply to you.
I will meet you where you are at.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions about how counselling works, or to arrange an initial assessment appointment. This enables us to discuss the reasons you are thinking of coming to counselling, whether it could be helpful for you and whether I am the right therapist to help. Alternatively you can reach me on 07587044716. I am happy to discuss any queries or questions you may have prior to arranging an initial appointment.
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